My story with chess retirement

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How I learned chess

I was in a difficult time in life when I came across this game , I was introduced to the game by my uncle 8 years ago at the age of 10 .it was a very new yet interesting thing to explore , from that time it became my all time favourite game . My uncle and I used to play whenever we meet up at family gatherings . We used to play all day when we meet . He's a pro , toughest opponent I ever played . No surprise i lost dozens of times . One thing about him he loved to play as black , never plays as white on habit , and thus I was always white , that's why I am more used to white than black :) . My goal was to only beat him once , one day after like a year of learning i beat him with a double rook mate ! It was quite an experience defeating your master .

The way it evolved

I started to learn the game more deeply , I wanted to be a stronger player , so I started learning on my own much more deeper concepts like attacking , defensive ideas and game playing styles . He was impressed by how far I was improving and how my game was subjective to change as I started to play more cleanly compared to previous encounters .

Master vs student

At the time I was 3 years of experience we started to have very close encounters , going for who wins a match rather than who wins a game . Family was sometimes very interested in our match ups because they were getting much more sharper and intense and at that time I started to be challenging for my uncle to beat .

peak strength

Ironically , after some more time it became the other way around. My uncle would only get one or two wins per match , no wonder because he was a very good teacher and player . I didn't compete in serious competitions though , never got the chance , only was involved in school events and fun days , nothing more than that , but I was quite good against my friends .

The final chapter

6 months ago things didn't go out quite well , my uncle passed away in July of this year of cancer , I was there at his final hour when he waved a final goodbye. It was hard to cope for quite a time . After I did way too poor in all chess related tournaments and games I took a break to heal because I couldn't play the same like before . And I still can't, I do not know how to enjoy the game like before with that absence, it haunts me a bit , so many triggers whenever I see the board . It's not that I can't focus or that I am playing badly, it's different , there's this mental barrier which makes it extremely uncomfortable . And I can't get past that barrier, it will be always there . that's why I will stop , one wise good friend of mine said: ( The reminder will always be there ) , he found the absolute correct way to describe it . I am not fully quitting though because this game has a lot of good memories which I want to keep , but is not the same professionally anymore , friendly games , games with friends are welcomed , arenas from time to time perhaps , but nothing seriously dedicated like before . Now I play to remember , sometimes to forget . If you have reached this far , wish my uncle to rest in peace and I'll be really thankful , thank you for reading , have a good day .